


A Healing Peace

by Enyn_Skyeward



Series: A Healing Peace [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Child, F/F, F/M, Grieving, Motherhood, Nightbloods, Pain, Peace, Solitude, happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 13:59:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7318048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enyn_Skyeward/pseuds/Enyn_Skyeward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke retreats to the Boat People and Luna after the events in Polis and ALIE. She finds peace and a future in an unexpected way after what seems like a lifetime of war. She also finds a way to keep Lexa's memory alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Healing Peace

**Author's Note:**

> This came from the realization that Clarke hasn't had time to properly grieve for Lexa and she should be able to. I also think after everything she deserves to say 'enough' to her people.

The days after A.L.I.E. and during the recovery were long and tiring. Clarke often found herself walking the halls of the tower for a small respite of solitude. One evening she arrived at the doors to her former room, sadness creeping over her as she remembered that the last time she’d been inside had been following Lexa’s death. The door was open and as she walked in she saw the destruction that covered the once elegant room. Furniture was turned over, clothing torn and strewn about, and candles were knocked over or broken into small pieces of wax.

A creak behind her made her turn and she saw Murphy; he’d been skulking around for days afterwards. “Ontari went a bit crazy after you took the AI, she just destroyed it all looking for some clue of where you went.” He sighed, “I couldn’t stop her, sorry.”

Clarke shook her head and turned to survey the room again. “Doesn’t matter, it’s not like I’ll ever occupy it again.” She took a few steps towards the ruined bed, the blood soaked fur Lexa had died on shredded by what looked like a sword. “I just came to retrieve one thing.”

Bending down by the bed, Clarke pulled back the rug and lifted the stone that covered a hide away. Pushing the stone aside, she reached in and pulled out a box. Murphy made his way over and narrowed his eyes. “What’s that?”

“Everything and nothing.” She opened the box and removed the drawing pad that was inside, placing it aside before pulling out a small pendent on a leather string. Removing the Flame from her pocket she replaced the stone pendent on the string with the Flame and fingered it. “Yu gonplei ste odon, ai gonplei nou ste odon.” Clarke put the pendent around her neck and picked up the drawing pad before standing. “I’ve got what I came for.”

“Not that it’s any of my business but are you really going to carry around that AI on a necklace?”

Clarke clutched the Flame and turned to look at the boy whom had become her ally. “If it had been in Emori and she had died, would you do any differently?” Taking a few steps closer she met his eyes, “I’ll deny ever saying this but I envy you. I envy that you have Emori in your arms alive and breathing. Don’t waste a day, I wasted three months that I’ll never get back and I’ll regret it every day for the rest of my life.”

“For what it’s worth.” He sighed and put a hand on her arm. “I know how much she meant to you, the blessing was an indicator, and I’m sorry you’re having to go through all this. You aren’t my favorite person in the world Clarke, but you’ve done a lot for people that don’t give a shit. You at least deserved to be happy and as much as I don’t understand it, she made you happy.” A nod was all he received before she left the room, leaving him to stand alone among the chaos.

* * *

Once her people were back in Arkadia and the city of Polis was in the hands of the surviving ambassadors and Indra, Clarke left. Her mother begged her not to but she could only explain the truth of where she planned to go.

“I can’t stay here, not after everything.” Clarke met her mother’s eyes, “I need peace and solitude.”

Abby shook her head, “we can give you that here, no one will bother you.”

“Mom.” Clarke put her hands on her mother’s arms. “I’m Wanheda, death follows me and since I’ve been on the ground there’s been nothing but destruction. I’ve given everything to Skaikru, everything that matters and I can’t give what little remains of me. I’ve saved you guys from several wars, it’s time you stand on your own.”

“Honey.” Abby cupped her daughter’s cheeks, “you haven’t given everything, you’re here and we’re here.”

Clarke shook her head, “I gave up my freedom to keep us alive after we arrived. I killed Finn to secure peace and keep everyone alive. I sold my soul at Mt. Weather when I killed innocents. I gave up my origins to secure peace again, a peace that was destroyed when Pike killed innocents.” Her face fell as her voice cracked, “I lost Lexa to a weapon I brought into Polis and I gave her up again in City of Light to save us.” She took a step back, “I can’t give anymore. This is goodbye.”

Climbing on her horse, she looked back at her mother as Kane put his hands on Abby’s shoulders. He gave Clarke a nod, “may we meet again.”

“Mebo oso na hit choda op nodotaim.” Clarke stated and urged her horse out of Arkadia.

* * *

She found the sea and within days was among Luna’s people. The woman welcomed her, word already spread of what she’d done to keep everyone alive. There was no pity or demands offered, instead Luna gave her space on her drilling station and told her to stay as long as she desired. It was there that Clarke started to find peace as the months passed. She helped people fish, taught students her language and also aided in healing others.

Midway through the third month she found someone that did tattoos and requested one be placed on her back. She drew out what she desired, a piece similar to the one that once rested on Lexa’s back. A circle at the top with two lines intersecting at an angle to represent her fall to Earth, seven circles with smaller images to the side of items that represented the people lost. One at the top of her back with a tiny watch for her father, one with a small rook to represent Wells, a small flower accompanied one circle to represent both Charlotte and Tris, waves beside another to represent Anya, the outline of a deer’s head beside the the third to last to represent Finn. The second to last circle held a small image of a book to represent Lincoln. The final circle was filled in with black ink, to represent the Natblida that Lexa was and under her circle was the infinity symbol. A representation of the sacred symbol but also the love Clarke had for her, unending and infinite. Four hundred little marks lined up and down her spine between and circles to represent those lost at Mt. Weather. In the end her back was a testament to the lost.

The person who tattooed her back questioned her about it and dozens inquired about the pendent around her neck. She always remained silent about both, Luna held her gaze once when the inquiry about the Flame gained no answer. Clarke held no desire to talk about the past or what the items meant to her. Eventually people stopped asking about them, realizing there would be no answer.

* * *

During her fourth month Clarke found herself bonding with one of the younger girls, a four year old without a home and without a name, known only as Gada. The child followed her everywhere, toddling behind the ambassador turned healer. Eventually, with Luna’s permission, Clarke took the girl as her own. Her bright green eyes and brown waves were a comfort to Clarke at times when she was sad or burdened, a reminder of someone who held similar features and loved her just a fiercely. With time, they grew together into a small family and Clarke couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if they lived in a stone tower instead of a drilling station and if another was with them.

“Nomi?” A little voice inquired after Clarke and she turned where she sat drawing.

“Sha Alexa?”

The girl put her finger on the Flame and smiled at her. “Sontaim.”

Nodding, Clarke picked up the girl and held her in her arms. “Once upon a time there was a woman who created a life to make the world better…”

As she told the story of Becca and the Flame, paraphrasing and keeping violence from echoing through, Clarke felt her heart rest in ways it hadn’t before. A small head fell against her chest and she kissed brown braids, laying the girl down on the soft furs that was her bed. Gazing down at her daughter, Clarke brushed back a few unruly curls till a healing cut showed on her forehead. The gray edges an indicator of how special the girl was.

“You’ll be a secret, I’ll never let you suffer as she did. The burdens that come with your natblida, the fear of love being weakness. You’ll be everything she’d want for her Natblida to be, without the blood and death.” Clarke kissed the healing cut and smiled, “and I’ll never waste a minute with you Alexa as I did your namesake, ai nomfai.”

* * *

**Trigedasleng Translations**

Yu gonplei ste odon, ai gonplei nou ste odon: Your fight is over, mine is not over.

Mebo oso na hit choda op nodotaim: May we meet again.

Gada: girl

Nomi: mom

Sontaim: story

Natblida: nightblood, Nightbloods (the group)

ai nomfai: my daughter

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment to tell me what you think of this.


End file.
